I am feeling okay about the whole failing thing, its a good thing in a few ways. First of all, I know that I can pass because really I already did once. Second, I know that I can drive well in the test situation. If this makes sense, before the test I was nervous about being nervous. I was afraid that my nerves would get the best of me on the test and it would cause me to drive badly. Now I know that I can drive exceptionally under the pressure of the test so I no longer need to be nervous about being nervous. And third and finally, I feel more prepared to drive on my own. To be perfectly honest before my test I was terrified of getting in the car and driving on my own. Even though my driving itself wasn't lacking, I think my confidence in being able to drive on my own without my driving instructor as a security blanket has really gone up since the test. The examiner obviously doesn't give any help during the test and I managed to get through the test fine without needing any reminders from someone and that is a big confidence boost and now I feel like in two weeks when I do pass I can hop right into my car and not be afraid of driving on my own.
As my blog has become more popular, especially with some of the Anglotopia readers coming over to read my blog, I feel the subject matter has gotten a lot less personal. I think I blogged a lot more about how I felt in the beginning, I was more keen to go into detail about how I was handling things emotionally and I haven't really gone into great detail about that recently since I know there are strangers reading this.
Whatever, here goes. I think I am handling things exceptionally well. One thing I resolved to do when Jason left was to really cut back on alcohol consumption. Not that I by any means had a drinking problem, but last year bars and free flowing beer were just so accessible. Going out every weekend was fun, but it really took a toll on my mental state and the depressive effects of alcohol really started to manifest themselves. I am certainly not going to stop drinking altogether, but I have resolved not to have alcohol in the house and only drink if I am going out with friends. Its made a huge difference. At the same time I have also cut out all snack foods, because if I can't reach for a glass of Sauvignon Blanc, the next best thing is a cookie or ten.
That Friday that I failed my test I seriously felt like a patient detoxing in rehab. I was a bit disgusted with myself that I have come to rely on wine and snacks to get me through difficult emotions. I felt the emotions so much more sharply when I couldn't reach for a glass or a sweet thing in shiny foil paper and I found it a bit alarming that I had dependence on these things. Don't worry, I didn't get the shakes or start sweating, just had a bit of a rough "Eureka!" moment.
Max has been such a big help, I never feel alone and he knows when I am sad and knows just what to do to make me feel better. He has really settled into our home well, and I think he feels like he belongs here now.
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